Reader Question:

i have already been friends with this particular lady for a time. She dumped the woman boyfriend. We have been texting many – like 200 emails per week. We keep obtaining combined signals from her, and I enjoy this lady. Ought I do it? But I don’t want to ruin the friendship possibly. We in addition hang out, and that I think she looks for myself into the halls.

-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)

Expert’s Response:

Hi, Ivan. Many thanks for trusting united states with this specific essential personal problem.

There are a great number of options to describe what’s happening here, but I want to provide you with my «take.» Firstly, you state she is giving blended indicators, which probably suggests she actually is confused and not certain of exactly what she desires.

She could continue to have feelings or dreams when it comes down to commitment she simply kept, or she might be available to manufacture a move. She can still take the healing up process, and she might not be ready to be viewed openly with another man however.

Texting might be the woman means of trying and hooking up nowadays while she completes psychologically disconnecting from her ex. She can also be perplexed if the woman relationship individually sometimes looks wants it’s growing into some thing larger, but she is unsure any time you «like» like the girl.

In terms of you, Ivan, you are in a rather precarious area nowadays. She actually is regarding the rebound and requirements mental support. She trusts you and seems much better whenever she shares some messages or hangs completely with you. She actively seeks you in places because she likes you, in one single way or some other, and that’s in which you have to be mindful. Should you decide put the friendship very first above your fascination with internet dating her as a girlfriend, you are in significant threat of being directed on the «friend area,» basically an arduous location to getting away from.

My guidance to you personally is to obtain alongside this lady and chat personally. It must be earlier and reduced than a genuine big date, it provides you with a concept if she would like to see you or otherwise not. Inform their she has to get-out and get one hour to laugh and enjoy by herself and you would really love the chance to speak with her in a tad bit more range, as well. Pick a spot where friends and family never ever get – perhaps a Starbucks anywhere – so she’ll feel like the woman privacy is safeguarded.

Ask the girl exactly how she actually is doing assuming she is undoubtedly completed along with her ex. Shell out extremely attention to her body language. Is actually she tilting in your direction or away? Is actually she big-eyed and cheerful, or detached and considerate? Is actually she operating «girly» or like somebody?

There is something else you should do: Tell her really matter-of-fact method in which you like this lady. Then never say another word. She’s got as next a person to speak. Hunt the lady squarely in sight so she will see your power along with your sincerity. Boldly and with confidence grasp the woman shoulder or hands. Just make sure she understands you are considering her in a romantic man-woman types of means.

End up being powerful and kind but never ever emotional or eager. Make the lady want to come your way for your nurturing and comfy guy you’re and never for wonderful son who’s «secure» and safe. Her real thoughts and objectives should display on their own because the discussion unfolds.

Do it now,